Unusual uses for condoms by mikeasaurus

套套十二式非常秘笈

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Since February is Condom Awareness Month, now is a great time to drop the taboo and become acquainted with this stretchy sexual intercourse protector.
过了二月份这个安全套宣传月后，是时候抛开禁忌，来更进一步了解这弹性性生活保护道具的属性了。

Did you know that there's plenty of uses for this popular prophylactic outside the bedroom? These small, stretchy, impervious sheaths are perfect for a wide variety of applications, from waterproofing your gear to propelling projectiles. While some of the ideas here are silly, and some are serious, they will all need a non-lubricated condom (lubricated condoms will just make a mess).
可曾知道在床第以外，这常见的避孕用品还有更多的用途么？这小小的、弹性的、不渗漏的东西能很好应用于广泛场景，从防水装备到弹射弹丸都能用。这里列出的创意当中有些是犯傻的，而有些则是动真格的，它们都需要用到没有润滑剂的安全套。（带润滑的安全套只会变得一团糟。）

Follow along as we explore 12 unusual uses for condoms. Make sure to share your own unusual use in the comments below for a free Pro Membership.
下面我们来看看12种安全套非常用法。如果你也有自己的非常用法，欢迎分享。

Ready? Let's cover up!
接好避雷针了么？引雷吧！

Step 1: Jar opener

一、开瓶器

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Stubborn jar won't open? Why not try stretching an non-lubricated condom over the jar lid and give it a twist. The latex condom will aid in friction between your sweaty palms and the slippery lid. Just make sure to remove the condom before serving up jam for your guests.
卡死的瓶罐开不了？何不试试用个没润滑的安全套对付之？将其套在瓶口，给点扭力即可。乳胶安全套会增加你出汗的手心和滑溜瓶盖之间的摩擦力。只要记住招待客人前把安全套取下来即可。（译者注：或者等客人吃完后分享给他们这个技巧……）

Step 2: Elastic bands

二、橡皮圈

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Unroll a non-lubricated condom completely, then carefully cut it along its width to create rings.
完全铺开一个无润滑安全套，然后小心沿着它的宽边剪开，形成一个个环。

To prevent the rings from breaking when stretched you'll need to ensure you cuts are straight and have no ragged edges, which with where the elastic will snap. Cut in one swift motion along the condom, and make sure the latex is not bunched when cutting.
要防止环形结构在拉伸时断裂，你就要保证切口平直，没有皱边，不然橡胶圈会绷断。一次干脆利落剪开安全套，在剪开时不要让乳胶卷起来。

By varying the distance between cuts you can make thick or thin elastics. They're surprisingly strong and are a great way to quickly get 20 elastics at once for keeping cables and cords nicely managed.
通过确定切痕间隔，就能做出厚的薄的橡胶圈。它们非同寻常结实，这个办法能很快做出20个橡胶圈，用于整理线材缆线。

Step 3: Water vessel

三、水壶

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I'm sure many have filled a condom with water as the finishing move in a water balloon fight. Something you probably realized is that condoms are incredibly elastic and can hold a lot of water by volume. However, they are thin and fragile.
我肯定很多人在砸水球大战中都曾祭出大招——安全套灌水。你可能意识到安全套是很结实的塑料，能装大量的水。不过，它们太薄了，也容易破裂。

Condoms can be reinforced with a sock and can be used to carry water safely. Next time you're camping and don't have a way to carry water back to camp, think about maybe trying this trick. Condom into sock, water into condom.
用一只袜子加固安全套，就能安全装水了。下次如果在野营时没有办法把水带回营地，试试看这招，将安全套塞进袜子里，然后把水倒入安全套内。

I got just under 2 liters into this condom.
这个安全套内，我倒入了不到两升水。

Step 4: Cold pack

四、冰袋

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Sprained ankle or sore neck? A frozen water filled condom can be just the thing in a pinch.
扭伤脚踝，或者脖子疼了？将冰水倒入安全套内能用来缓解痛楚。

Fill up a condom with 1 part rubbing alcohol and 3 parts water, tie a knot in the end and stick in the freezer. This will leave the cold pack malleable and able to contour to wherever you put it.
把跌打酒和水按1:3比例兑好，装入安全套内，在开口打个结，放在冰格里。这样能让冰袋变得柔韧，贴合你要放置的任何表面。

Step 5: Cooking with condoms

五、安全套厨具

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Stick your meatloaf inside a condom. Or, any other food you'd like to reheat. Though the human body is warm, and can get warmer during condom activities, it's not advised to put the condom in water temperatures above 100ºF (38ºC). Think of it more like a sous vide rather than a boiling bag.
把烤肉卷塞入安全套内，或者其他你想加热回锅的食物。虽然人体温暖和的，而且在正常使用安全套行为中会变得更加温暖（译者注：避免和谐，只能长篇翻译了……），仍然不建议将安全套放置在超过100ºF (38ºC)的水中。这与其说是煮食袋，还不如说是一堆破物事，

Unroll a non-lubricated condom completely, then stuff your cooked meat and other bits into the condom, then top off with sauce. Set a pot of water on the stove until boiling, once boiling turn heat down to low. Having the temperature too hot will cause the condom to burst, spilling your saucy meat.
完全展开一个无润滑安全套，然后将煮熟的肉和其他配料塞进去，并辅以酱料。将一壶水放在煤气灶上加热到沸腾，沸腾后将火量调到低火。太高温会导致安全套炸开，到处喷溅酱肉。

Step 6: Slingshot shooter

六、弹弓弹巢

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Personal protection can mean a lot of things, with condoms it can work both as a prophylactic and a powerful candy shooter.
个人保护包括很多含义，而安全套可用于避孕，也可称为强力糖果发射器。（译者注：糖衣炮弹，看家护院！）

Simply cut the bottom from a paper coffee cup and stretch the end on an unrolled condom over the cup bottom. Hold onto the bottom edge of the condom to prevent it from rolling off, and stuff the condom inside the cup. Then load up a candy into the mouth of the open condom and pull back on the tip and fire your load across the room. Careful not to get this in anyone's face or eyes, it can hurt.
简单剪掉咖啡纸杯底部，将摊开的安全套开口套在杯底。沿着底边搓进一些安全套，防止它滑出来，然后把安全套塞进杯子里。接着在安全套开口处装入糖果，挽弓发射，足以射出房间。留意别射到他人脸部或眼睛，伤人呐。（译者注：打家劫舍、居家旅游必备！）

Step 7: Balloon animals

七、动物气球

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It's always a party when you open a condom, and nothing says party more than balloon animals (except maybe confetti). Making a balloon animal is easy with condoms, as they inflate really large and can withstand the shear stress from twisting them into shapes. Using an non-lubricated and unused condom, unroll and blow up. You'll want the condom almost completely full of air, but not so full that you can't twist it into shapes.
打开安全套之后往往是一场狂欢（译者注：这个……嘘……），而狂欢派对当中气球动物是必须的（除了也许有的彩色纸屑）。用安全套做个动物气球很容易，它们能膨胀得很大，在扭曲成型时能承受切变应力。用一个无润滑和新的安全套，摊开并吹气。你会希望安全套内几乎充满空气，但不要那么满，不然就不能扭曲成型了。

I twisted one condom into three equal sections, then twisted two of the sections together to make three spherical shapes. After I used a marker to draw on a face with whiskers to make a mouse. Dot helped me blow up some balloons and even made a duck.
我将一个安全套扭成三个相同部分，然后将其中两个部分扭起来，做成三个球体。我用记号笔画上胡须，做成老鼠的样子，标一些节点有助于吹气球，甚至能做个鸭子出来。

Step 8: Waterproof electronics

八、电子产品防水套

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Condoms also make great moisture protection for electronics. Condoms can stretch over most smartphones and other electronics, then tied tightly to make them waterproof. I was able to use the capacitive touch screen with this phone through the condom, and even when it was underwater!
安全套能为电子设备提供良好防水保护，它能让大部分手机和其他电子产品塞进去，绑紧之后就能防水。我仍能 隔着安全套使用手机的电容屏，甚至把它放在水下！（译者注：如果是全透明的，照相机防水套可以退市了。）

Step 9: Waterproof bandages

九、防水绷带

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Next time you use a bandage on your arm or leg and need to take a shower consider using condom to keep your wound dry.
下次如果你在手臂上大腿上有绷带，但要去洗个澡的话，考虑用安全套保持伤口干燥吧。（译者挑逗：要不现在就往腿上划一刀试试？）

Apply bandage as normal. Unroll and cut the tip off a non-lubricated condom, then stretch condom over arm or leg until it's completely over the bandage. The condom will form a tight waterproof seal around the appendage and keep the bandage dry.
如同正常情况下使用绷带，摊开并剪掉一个无润滑安全套顶端，把安全套拉伸在手臂或腿上，直到它完全盖住绷带。安全套会形成紧贴防水附属结构，保持绷带干燥。

Step 10: ​rifle barrel protector

十、枪膛保护

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（译者注：根据国情，我国的只有执法武装会有机会用上。）
Gun owners are a tidy and finicky bunch; they love their firearms and want to keep them in top working order. A few friends who hunt shared with me their tip for keeping their rifles dry when hunting in inclement weather is to wrap a condom over the barrel. Condoms can stretch over almost any barrel type, even this large bore shotgun with a magazine tube.
持枪者是一群干净挑剔的人群，钟爱火器，时常将它们保持最好状态。几个打猎的朋友分享了他们在恶劣天气下打猎保持长枪干燥，就是在枪管前套一个安全套。安全套能拉伸在几乎所有枪管上面，即使这杆大型滑膛霰弹枪，外加弹夹管也不例外。

The condom will keep your firearm dry and free from dirt entering the barrel. The best part is that you can just shoot right through the condom.
安全套能保持火器干燥，不受灰尘侵入枪管影响。最好用的特点是，你能直接无视安全套存在进行射击。

Next time you're out hunting big game, bring protection - things could get messy.
下次如果你参与大型狩猎，带上安全装备——万一事情变得糟糕的话。

Step 11: Fishing bobber

十一、钓鱼浮标

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Nearby a fishing hole without a bobber? Maybe you were skiing out of bounds and have a survival ski pole with fishing equipment, or maybe you're just a lazy fisherman who only packs half the required gear.
旁边有个钓鱼洞口，却没有浮标吗？也许你滑雪滑得精疲力尽了，不过野外求生用滑雪杆上有钓鱼装备，或者你仅仅是个偷懒的钓鱼人，只带了一半需要的装备。

If you're ever caught with your pants down without a fishing bobber, an inflated condom can do in a pinch. Inflate the condom halfway, then tie onto your fishing line for an impromptu inflatable fishing friend.
如果你曾经用扎裤管方式代替钓鱼浮标，那么一个膨胀的安全套也能做到。吹一半安全套，然后把它绑在鱼线上，作为临时充气钓鱼伴侣。

You might get some weird looks, but they'll all admire your skills when you pull a large mouth bass from the lake.
兴许你会遭受异样眼光，但当你从湖中拉出一尾大嘴鲈鱼时，接下来都是膜拜。

Step 12: Fruit saver

十二、水果保鲜

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Halfway through eating a tasty fruit and need to save it for later? A non-lubricated condom may not be ideal, but like plastic wrap it can certainly save your fruit from oxidizing and turning brown.
美味水果啃了一半，需要留着再吃吗？一个无润滑安全套可能不是理想的解决办法，但就像保鲜膜那样，它能有效防止水果氧化，色泽变暗。

译者补充：邓公曰：黑猫耶？白猫乎？猎鼠者乃良猫哉！办公室同仁：说人话！