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@fantaghiro 2016-07-19T15:07:24.000000Z 字数 27438 阅读 3889

B3U4T1 The Hidden Side of Happiness

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Pleasure only gets you so far. A rich, rewarding life often requires a messy battle with adversity.

Hurricanes, house fires, cancer, white-water rafting accidents, plane crashes, vicious attacks in dark alleyways. Nobody asks for any of it. But to their surprise, many people find that enduring such a harrowing ordeal ultimately changes them for the better. Their refrain might go something like this: "I wish it hadn't happened, but I'm a better person for it."

Hurricanes, house fires, cancer, white-water rafting accidents, plane crashes, vicious attacks in dark alleyways.

Nobody asks for any of it.

But to their surprise, many people find that enduring such a harrowing ordeal ultimately changes them for the better.

Their refrain might go something like this: "I wish it hadn't happened, but I'm a better person for it."

We love to hear the stories of people who have been transformed by their tribulations, perhaps because they testify to a bona fide psychological truth, one that sometimes gets lost amid endless reports of disaster: There is a built-in human capacity to flourish under the most difficult circumstances. Positive reactions to profoundly disturbing experiences are not limited to the toughest or the bravest. In fact, roughly half the people who struggle with adversity say that their lives have in some ways improved.

We love to hear the stories of people who have been transformed by their tribulations, perhaps because they testify to a bona fide psychological truth, one that sometimes gets lost amid endless reports of disaster

There is a built-in human capacity to flourish under the most difficult circumstances.

Positive reactions to profoundly disturbing experiences are not limited to the toughest or the bravest.

In fact, roughly half the people who struggle with adversity say that their lives have in some ways improved.

In a dark room in Queens, New York, 31-year-old fashion designer Tracy Cyr believed she was dying. A few months before, she had stopped taking the powerful immune-suppressing drugs that kept her arthritis in check. She never anticipated what would happen: a withdrawal reaction that eventually left her in total body agony and neurological meltdown. The slightest movement – trying to swallow, for example – was excruciating. Even the pressure of her cheek on the pillow was almost unbearable.

In a dark room in Queens, New York, 31-year-old fashion designer Tracy Cyr believed she was dying.

A few months before, she had stopped taking the powerful immune-suppressing drugs that kept her arthritis in check.

She never anticipated what would happen: a withdrawal reaction that eventually left her in total body agony and neurological meltdown.

The slightest movement – trying to swallow, for example – was excruciating.

Even the pressure of her cheek on the pillow was almost unbearable.

Cyr is no wimp – diagnosed with juvenile rheumatoid arthritis at the age of two, she'd endured the symptoms and the treatments (drugs, surgery) her whole life. But this time, she was way past her limits, and nothing her doctors did seemed to help. Either the disease was going to kill her or, pretty soon, she'd have to kill herself.

Cyr is no wimp – diagnosed with juvenile rheumatoid arthritis at the age of two, she'd endured the symptoms and the treatments (drugs, surgery) her whole life.

But this time, she was way past her limits, and nothing her doctors did seemed to help.

Either the disease was going to kill her or, pretty soon, she'd have to kill herself.

As her sleepless nights wore on, though, her suicidal thoughts began to be interrupted by new feelings of gratitude. She was still in agony, but a new consciousness grew stronger each night: an awesome sense of liberation, combined with an all-encompassing feeling of sympathy and compassion. "I felt stripped of everything I'd ever identified myself with," she said six months later. "Everything I thought I'd known or believed in was useless – time, money, self-image, perceptions. Recognizing that was so freeing."

As her sleepless nights wore on, though, her suicidal thoughts began to be interrupted by new feelings of gratitude.

She was still in agony, but a new consciousness grew stronger each night: an awesome sense of liberation, combined with an all-encompassing feeling of sympathy and compassion.

"I felt stripped of everything I'd ever identified myself with," she said six months later.

Everything I thought I'd known or believed in was useless – time, money, self-image, perceptions.

Within a few months, she began to be able to move more freely, thanks to a cocktail of steroids and other drugs. But as her physical strength came back, she did not return to her old way of being as a feisty, demanding, "Sex-in-the-City, three-inch- stilettos-and-fishnets" girl. Now quieter and more tolerant, she makes a point of being in a submissive turn-the-other-cheek kind of way. Cyr still takes a pharmacopoeia of drugs every day, but she says there's no question that her life is better now. "I felt I had been shown the secret of life and why we're here: to be happy and to nurture other life. It's that simple."

Within a few months, she began to be able to move more freely, thanks to a cocktail of steroids and other drugs.

But as her physical strength came back, she did not return to her old way of being as a feisty, demanding, "Sex-in-the-City, three-inch- stilettos-and-fishnets" girl.

Now quieter and more tolerant, she makes a point of being in a submissive turn-the-other-cheek kind of way.

Cyr still takes a pharmacopoeia of drugs every day, but she says there's no question that her life is better now.

I felt I had been shown the secret of life and why we're here: to be happy and to nurture other life.

It's that simple.

Her mind-blowing experience came as a total surprise. But that feeling of transformation is in some ways typical, says Rich Tedeschi, a professor of psychology at the University of North Carolina in Charlotte who coined the term "post-traumatic growth." His studies of people who have endured extreme events like combat, violent crime or sudden serious illness show that most feel dazed and anxious in the immediate aftermath. They are preoccupied with the idea that their lives have been shattered. A few are haunted long afterward by memory problems, sleep trouble and similar symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder. But Tedeschi and others have found that for many people – perhaps even the majority – life ultimately becomes richer and more gratifying.

Her mind-blowing experience came as a total surprise.

But that feeling of transformation is in some ways typical, says Rich Tedeschi, a professor of psychology at the University of North Carolina in Charlotte who coined the term "post-traumatic growth."

His studies of people who have endured extreme events like combat, violent crime or sudden serious illness show that most feel dazed and anxious in the immediate aftermath.

They are preoccupied with the idea that their lives have been shattered.

A few are haunted long afterward by memory problems, sleep trouble and similar symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder.

But Tedeschi and others have found that for many people – perhaps even the majority – life ultimately becomes richer and more gratifying.

Something similar happens to many people who experience a terrifying physical threat. In that moment, our sense of invulnerability is pierced, and the self-protective mental armor that normally stands between us and our perceptions of the world is torn away. Our everyday life scripts – our habits, self-perceptions and assumptions – go out the window, and we're left with a raw experience of the world.

Something similar happens to many people who experience a terrifying physical threat.

In that moment, our sense of invulnerability is pierced, and the self-protective mental armor that normally stands between us and our perceptions of the world is torn away.

Our everyday life scripts – our habits, self-perceptions and assumptions – go out the window, and we're left with a raw experience of the world.

Still, actually implementing these changes, as well as fully coming to terms with the new reality, usually takes conscious effort. Being willing and able to take on this process is one of the major differences between those who grow through adversity and those who are destroyed by it.

Still, actually implementing these changes, as well as fully coming to terms with the new reality, usually takes conscious effort.

Being willing and able to take on this process is one of the major differences between those who grow through adversity and those who are destroyed by it.

Eventually, they may find themselves freed in ways they never imagined. Survivors often say they become more tolerant and forgiving of others, capable of bringing peace to formerly troubled relationships. They say that material ambitions suddenly seem silly and the pleasures of friends and family paramount – and that the crisis allowed them to reorganize life in line with the new priorities.

They say that material ambitions suddenly seem silly and the pleasures of friends and family paramount – and that the crisis allowed them to reorganize life in line with the new priorities.

People who have grown from adversity often feel much less fear, despite the frightening things they've been through. They are surprised by their own strength, confident that they can handle whatever else life throws at them. "People don't say that what they went through was wonderful," says Tedeschi. "They weren't meaning to grow from it. They were just trying to survive. But in retrospect, what they gained was more than they ever anticipated."

People who have grown from adversity often feel much less fear, despite the frightening things they've been through.

They are surprised by their own strength, confident that they can handle whatever else life throws at them.

They weren't meaning to grow from it.

But in retrospect, what they gained was more than they ever anticipated.

In his recent book Satisfaction, Emory University psychiatrist Gregory Berns points to extreme endurance athletes who push themselves to their physical limits for days at a time. They cycle through the same sequence of sensations as do trauma survivors: self-loss, confusion and, finally, a new sense of mastery. For ultramarathoners, who regularly run 100-mile races that last more than 24 hours, vomiting and hallucinating are normal. After a day and night of running without stopping or sleeping, competitors sometimes forget who they are and what they're doing.

In his recent book Satisfaction, Emory University psychiatrist Gregory Berns points to extreme endurance athletes who push themselves to their physical limits for days at a time.

They cycle through the same sequence of sensations as do trauma survivors: self-loss, confusion and, finally, a new sense of mastery.

For ultramarathoners, who regularly run 100-mile races that last more than 24 hours, vomiting and hallucinating are normal.

But the feeling of mastering extraordinary difficulty makes up for it, reports Honolulu businessman Randy Havre. Havre, 51, found this feeling near the summit of Mauna Kea nearly 10 years ago. He was nearing the end of a 44-mile race that took him from sea level to the top of the volcano – a vertical ascent of 13,766 feet. He was on his way to setting the unofficial world record for that climb, but the high elevation was starting to get to him.

But the feeling of mastering extraordinary difficulty makes up for it, reports Honolulu businessman Randy Havre.

Havre, 51, found this feeling near the summit of Mauna Kea nearly 10 years ago.

He was nearing the end of a 44-mile race that took him from sea level to the top of the volcano – a vertical ascent of 13,766 feet.

He was on his way to setting the unofficial world record for that climb, but the high elevation was starting to get to him.

"When you get to about 10,000 feet, things tend to get a little weird because of the swelling and pressure on your brain," he says. "Above that, it gets exponentially weirder. I remember busting out crying at 12,000 feet. But if you can finish these things, you know: Hey, I can get through this stuff. You were able to hang in there, and you're stronger for that."

"When you get to about 10,000 feet, things tend to get a little weird because of the swelling and pressure on your brain," he says.

Above that, it gets exponentially weirder.

I remember busting out crying at 12,000 feet.

Hey, I can get through this stuff.

You were able to hang in there, and you're stronger for that.

The emotional reward can compensate for the pain and difficulty of adversity. This perspective does not cancel out what happened, but it puts it all in a different context: that it's possible to live an extraordinarily rewarding life even within the constraints and struggles we face. In some form or other, says King, we all must go through this realization. "You're not going to be the person you thought you were, but here's who you are going to be instead – and that turns out to be a pretty great life."

The emotional reward can compensate for the pain and difficulty of adversity.

This perspective does not cancel out what happened, but it puts it all in a different context: that it's possible to live an extraordinarily rewarding life even within the constraints and struggles we face.

In some form or other, says King, we all must go through this realization.

"You're not going to be the person you thought you were, but here's who you are going to be instead – and that turns out to be a pretty great life."

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